I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
