if i can run in heels then i can drive
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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