i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The Olympian is in my bed
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
