Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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