i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
