I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
