I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I looked at my own cervix.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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