She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
