Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"