Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
