Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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