i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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