dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
