maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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