The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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