What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
