if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
