Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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