his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
