I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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