This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
