So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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