Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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