my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
