cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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