Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
