I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
