I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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