Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
