when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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