even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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