And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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