You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
