I want to stick my p in your. b.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
ugly people sure do ruin things
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
