I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
