I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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