Quick, to the slutcave!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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