i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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