Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
