Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
