getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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