So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
