I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
