She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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