All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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