guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
