shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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