No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
