I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
