I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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