VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
