I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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