wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
