is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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