He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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