i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Two words: nipple clamps
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