i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
