I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
