My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
