my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
