Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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