dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
