They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she peed on how many people?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
