I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
