i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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