Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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