i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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