the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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