i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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